1. Summary

In deeply religious societies like that of the Middle East, the irreligious and non-believers face widespread discrimination. To date, the nature and extent of this discrimination in Lebanon has, to our knowledge, not been assessed empirically. We strove to begin closing this gap by conducting case studies in which we interviewed atheists and non-believers who came forward to share their discrimination stories.

The contact with participants was established through a post in a closed Facebook group for non-believers that includes over 3700 members. In the post, the intentions behind the project were explained, and people who were subject to atheism-related discrimination were encouraged to come forward and share their experience. In addition, some other participants were personally approached by the team, as they were known to have been subjected to, or were still being subjected to discrimination because of their views towards religion.

Before the interviews, a consent form was sent to each one of the interviewees. The form described the project and its desired outcomes and asked for the participants’ consent to feature their stories in the study, and whether they would like their names to stay anonymous or not. The interviewees were asked to choose the platform they wished to conduct their interview through (WhatsApp, Messenger, Zoom, etc.), and the form of the interview (whether through texting, a call or a video chat).

The interviews were conducted from December 18, 2020 to February 9, 2021. Interviews lasted between 20 to 60 minutes. During that time, the participants were asked to talk about the details of the discriminatory incident(s) that they had gone through. A total of 40 case studies were conducted, 25 of which were females (62%), 14 males (35%) and 1 (3%) transgender male. The majority of participants were Lebanese (36), 1 was Syrian and 3 were Palestinian. Two of the subjects had committed suicide as a result of the discrimination they were subject to, and the interviews were conducted with close friends of theirs who told their stories as they knew them.

After completing the interviewing process, all conducted interviews were reported and uploaded to the Ceasefire MENA website which offers a civilian-led monitoring tool that allows civilians to document, report, and access reports of human rights and international humanitarian law violations in the MENA communities.

All the study subjects affirmed that they underwent serious forms of abuse, which included but were not limited to: physical violence, psychological violence, forced veiling, death and violence threats, illegal detention, discrimination in employment, restricted access to education and social services and restrictions on expressing personal beliefs.

The most recurring form of abuse was the forced veiling, with a number of 22 female participants who were forced to wear the veil at some point during their lives, are currently forced to wear it, or are facing the consequences of refusing to wear it, from physical to emotional abuse.

Another recurring incident was the restriction imposed on freedom of speech. In some cases, people were afraid to express their opinions to their families and surrounding society in fear of violent reactions. Moreover, in two of the cases, the subjects were arrested by the authorities, and charged with accusations of apostasy, because of posts or jokes about religious figures that they had shared on social media.

In addition, several subjects faced discrimination at their workplace. In 2 of the cases, the declaration of atheism resulted in the termination of employment. Moreover, some participants faced unjust treatment at school, where they were shunned by their peers, mistreated, and sometimes publicly shamed by their teachers.

Local sectarian political parties played a huge role in some of the stories, either by helping the participants’ families in the act of oppression, or by pressuring the participants and their families to conform to religious guidelines. In one case, a female participant who ran out of her parents’ abusive home was detained and taken by force back home by a known sectarian political party with a clear religious agenda. Another sectarian political party kidnapped one of the men in the reported cases, detaining him for months as nobody knew his whereabouts, causing him so much trauma and leading him to take his own life later on.

These assaults led in most of the cases to serious mental health issues, and the vast majority of the study subjects either left the country in search for freedom and safety or are actively working on leaving.

This study is an indication that the discrimination against non-believers in Lebanon is a serious and widespread phenomenon that warrants proper action.

Disclaimer: it is important to note that the sample with which we conducted the interviews is in no way a random sample and does not represent the population of atheists in Lebanon.

2. Case Studies

Case 1: Hawraa Toufic

TITLE	Lost Custody Battle that Led to Suicide (interview with a friend of Hawraa)
SEX	Female
AGE	25
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2014
AGE THEN	21
LOCATION	Beirut – South of Lebanon
CATEGORIES	Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat
DESCRIPTION	Hawraa Toufic spent her 25 painful years on the planet protesting injustice. On February 1st, 2019, she could fight no more: Heart broken and void of all hope, she decided to take her own life. Hawraa, or Mila as she used to like to be called, was a mother of two and a victim of a dysfunctional religious marriage that would go on to cause her untimely death. After her marriage failed, her husband refused to divorce her. Backed by the force of the Islamic Shi’aa religious court of Lebanon, he tricked and obliged her to give up the custody of her children so that he agrees to the divorce. Hawraa was later disowned by her family after they found out she was an atheist and had to flee Lebanon and live in Egypt after receiving violent death threats from her husband and his family. Hawraa tried her best, repeatedly, to see her children, or even talk to them, but it was all in vain. Neither the media, nor lawyers, or NGOs could help. The odds were all against her. More, importantly, the law was against her. When she realized that her chances of seeing her children again were vanishing, she started losing interest in everything. She lost her will to live and took her own life. Her children will now grow up as orphans, probably without knowing the truth of what happened to their mother or why she left them. It’s true that Mila has left us for good and nothing will take back what happened, but it’s also true that she in only one of thousands of victims of the barbaric and medieval personal status laws that govern family lives in Lebanon. We can and we must unite to change these laws. We must save women and children from these cruel and inhumane laws that are always biased in the favor of men.

Case 2: Ali (alias)

TITLE	Kidnapping (interview with a friend of Ali)
SEX	Male
AGE	24
EX-RELIGION	Sunni Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2017
AGE THEN	21
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Torture or ill-treatment, Beating, Unlawful detention, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Discrimination in employment or trade, Restrictions on expression or language

DESCRIPTION	Ali lived in Saida, Lebanon, one of the most Islamic Sunni areas in Lebanon. He hated living there because of the people’s mentality and the religious atmosphere that dominated the area. He used to receive judging looks from the people there all the time, whether it was for how he looked, or dressed, or behaved. In 2017 he was detained for 3 months by a sectarian political party. They detained him because he didn’t have his ID on him and he had a tattoo on his back which contained the 3 religious’ symbols for Islam, Christianity and Judaism, in addition for a logo for an Israeli metal band called “Orphaned Land”. They thought he was a spy for Israel. They did some investigations about him and they discovered his religious views. They knew that he was an atheist. They tortured him for months and nobody knew where he is, not even his own parents. Finally, after looking for him his father found him, and he got released. That experience really changed Ali, and it was not easy on him at all. He went through this horrific experience just because he was different than the atmosphere he lived in. It was also very hard for him to find a job because of his lifestyle and beliefs. Ali went through lot of other issues in his life, whether they were personal struggles or struggles related to his atheism and the religious atmosphere he lived in. Sadly, in 2018 Ali committed suicide.

Case 3: Sarah (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling, Religious Oppression and Physical Violence
SEX	Female
AGE	32
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	1997 – 2012
AGE THEN	Starting age of 8
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Torture or ill-treatment, Beating, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Restricted access to education, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	My parents forced me to wear the veil at the age of 8. They did not allow me after this to play with the other kids in the neighborhood because it is not appropriate for a veiled girl. I did not understand the meaning of the veil back then, nor did I take it seriously. Therefore, I once at the age of 8 took it off at school. Someone told my parents and so they beat me at home, locked me alone in a room, and my dad cut off my hair. I was at an American school back then in KSA. I was embarrassed to change my costume in the lockers’ room into the sportswear so that my classmates won’t see my cut hair and the bruises on my body. My dad blamed the American educational system in the school for this incident, and so he sent us back to Lebanon to be raised there. There they enrolled me in a religious school, which follows a well-known Shia cleric. In that school praying was mandatory. They even had a tracking card for the period cycle of each female to check if the girl is lying about not being able to pray or not. They used to check us regularly to see if we were wearing accessories, or if we had makeup on, and how long and loose our clothes are. Everything there was forbidden. I had no privacy whatsoever at home. I was not allowed to lock the door, and they would inspect everything we had or the books we were reading. Of course, violence was a constant thing at home. Everything was monitored. They even did not allow me to raise my hand up at school in fear that some skin would be revealed, like my wrist. For sure they decided what clothes I should wear, and they were fully Islamic. My dad even used to check what novels I read to make sure they contain nothing inappropriate according to him. For instance, I was once reading a novel by Dostoevsky, and my dad started inspecting it trying to find anything to take it away from me. He stumbled upon the word “gay”. The word here meant happy, but my dad thought it is referring to a homosexual person, so a fight happened. He also once took away from me the Harry Potter book I was reading and tore it apart, for it is about magic. He did not care that I must return it to my school’s library. I could not handle the situation at home anymore, so I ran away at the age of 17. I stayed at some friends’ houses. My dad came back immediately from his job from KSA. My family contacted a sectarian political party to find my whereabouts, and they did and forced me to go back to my parents. They started sending their women to my house to lecture me and try to know why I left. They all thought I ran away to have sex and kept on pestering me asking if I am still a virgin. They even confiscated everything I had and inspected them, including my laptop and USB. Then my parents took me to a gynecologist’s office to check if I am still a virgin. It was very dehumanizing for me. Of course, I was beaten brutally, and they locked me at home and did not allow me to continue my education at university for a year. They took me to a psychologist with a like-minded mentality to theirs to try to know why I did that, still insisting that I did this because of a guy. The psychologist they took me to was at AUBMC. He would report everything I said to my parents without any respect to the doctor-patient confidentiality. The cycle of abuse kept on going on. I remember my dad once beat my sister because she was wearing a shirt at home in front of him that showed a little bit of her neck. During the year I was kept at home, I tried to play along with them even though I was an atheist by the age of 18. I agreed to their Islamic rules that micro-managed every detail in my life just to get them off my back, and then to eventually be allowed to go back to university. I held on until I finished my bachelor’s degree. After that, I managed to get accepted into a funded master’s program in a university in the USA. My parents eventually let me go there, but my dad went there with me in the beginning. He monitored everything there I had, even my bank account and made sure he can monitor it even when he gets back to Lebanon, even though I was the one paying for everything. Still, my dad there was very careful in his treatment with me, for he was afraid of losing his American citizenship, for he is originally from Palestine. This means he is stateless and was not naturalized in Lebanon until after years of the Israeli occupation. My dad eventually had to go back. I took off the veil after he left immediately. Still, they would call me every night at the landline’s number to check if I am not outside the house. Then when the semester’s break came, they wanted me to go spend it at my grandma’s house in a nearby state. Here I knew I couldn’t do this again, for this means I have to wear the veil again and do all the religious practices. At this point I blocked my dad on all the possible platforms and changing the passwords to everything he had access to. Then I told my mom that this cannot happen anymore, and that I am an atheist and took off my veil. My mom started guilt tripping me and bombarding me with emotional manipulation. Still, for the first time in my life I had some power, for I was safe in a faraway country from them. Now I live with my girlfriend who happens to be an atheist with an Israeli Jewish background. I speak to my mom, but the relationship is not always a healthy one, and it will never be. I asserted limits with my relationship with her since now I am an independent human being living abroad. As for my dad, I have never spoken to him after that. He still tried to hack my email and contacted all the psychiatrists I was seeing at the hospital in the USA claiming that I am suicidal, and my life is at risk, so that they would tell him details about me. Luckily, they were professional, and they refused to do so. Now I dearly miss my country and wish I can visit it, for I sincerely love it. Yet, I can never dare to do so, because I am sure the moment I set foot there, my family will hurt me and trap me again. I realize I am privileged and luckier than almost everyone else who suffered like me there, for I have a foreign citizenship and managed to leave, but the others are trapped there.

Case 4: Charbel Khoury

TITLE	Arrest and Blasphemy Charges Because of a Social Media Post
SEX	Male
AGE	-
EX-RELIGION	Maronite Christian
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	July 2018
AGE THEN	-
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Beating, Unlawful detention, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Hate speech, Discrimination in employment or trade, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	Back in July 2018, I posted, on my personal Facebook page a joke about a miracle that was supposedly performed by Mar Charbel. My goal was not to offend anyone or to disseminate atheism, I just though it is a funny joke. However, people got offended, and within two hours of that post I started to receive death threats in the comment’s section and in my inbox. Most of the threats came from people who are affiliated with a known Christian political party. A coworker of mine did physically attack me and threatened to kill me at my workplace, which is a very well-known publishing house. Instead of my employers taking action to protect me, they decided to terminate my employment. I did file a complaint against that coworker, but it was not taken seriously because according to the police I was “still alive”. I guess you would have to be murdered in order to be taken seriously. I also sued the employers for wrongful termination, but up until today I did not get any compensation. A couple of days later I was informed that the aforementioned party, and the Maronite church are both suing me for ridiculing religion and its practices. I was taken by the police and I was questioned for over eight hours, where I was being insulted and threatened with guns. They wanted me to write a public apology which I refused to do. And eventually they made me delete my Facebook account and vow not to make any new account until after a month from that incident. Only then I was released. A couple of my friends were also called for investigation because they shared or commented on my post.

Case 5: Saeed Abdallah

TITLE	Arrest and Apostasy Charges Because of Social Media Posts
SEX	Male
AGE	-
EX-RELIGION	Druze
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	October 2020 – January 2021
AGE THEN	-
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Torture or ill-treatment, Unlawful detention, Hate speech, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was arrested twice because of posts I made on social media. First time was in October 2020 and it lasted for 46 days from October 30th to December 30th. It was because of a post that I made on Facebook about Jesus and some other posts about the Lebanese president. I was asked to come to the police station of Souk Al Gharb – Aley, I went there alone with no lawyer because I did not know that I was going to be arrested, they then took me to the department of cybercrimes at Joseph Helo barrack, and that is where I was detained. The situation there was dreadful. I was detained in a small room of 12 meters square with 23 other people. The sleeping situation was the worst; we had 2 sleeping shifts, so as some would go to sleep, the rest would stay awake, because we simply did not have enough space for all of us. Some also had to sleep in the bathroom. During that time, I was not allowed to have visitors, so for the whole 46 days period I was not allowed to see my family or anyone else other than my cellmates. I was eventually released with the help of my Lawyers Rafic Ghraizi and Hiba Farhat, of course after I had pledged to delete the posts from Facebook. The second time I was arrested was in January 11, 2021, at Beirut’s Judicial Department), and I was released on the January 19. The reason was again a social media post about Druze that offended a well-known Druze leader. And I was also required to delete the post this time around.

Case 6: Zeinab (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling and Religious Oppression
SEX	Female
AGE	26
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	Since 2003
AGE THEN	Starting age of 8
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Torture or ill-treatment, Beating, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	My father started indoctrinating me about the veil at the age of 7. My parents were teaching me everything about religion. They related morals in life to religion. They used to mix religion with politics too. My dad prohibited me at the age of 7 to shake hands with males since it is prohibited in Islam. It was even my dad who gave me the talk about getting my period later on, and not my mom. Of course, he told me about it in a very sexist religious way, and said that I will be unclean and won’t be able to pray when I am on my period. They made sure to brainwash me in any possible way. Even the dolls I was allowed to play with were Islamic ones, especially the Islamic barbie “Fulla”. They even got me an Islamic pink journal that contains Islamic quotes related to Fatima the daughter of the prophet on every page. They also got me a pink prayer garment, a beautiful prayer rug, and a small, decorated copy of the Qur’an as an attempt to lure me into being a Muslim. They also planted fear within me regarding not wearing the veil, saying that I will be hung in hell by my hair to burn for eternity, and that each hair on my head will turn into a snake to bite me. It was at the age of 11 after seeing the dead body of my grandma after she passed away that I succumbed to fear and agreed to wear the veil. My dad immediately got me veils and Islamic clothing.   I used to always have my own thoughts regarding religion. For instance, I used to wonder why it is fair for a person who does not speak our language and never got a chance to get introduced to it to burn in hell later on. I was never fond of the idea of heaven and hell. Any time I tried to be vocal about my thoughts, I would get hushed immediately, so I learned by time to just keep it to myself and go along with them. There was lot of domestic violence at home too, and I would get beaten if I did anything wrong, so this too conditioned me to be an obedient religious child. I would do anything they ask me just to avoid hearing them screaming and getting violent.  When I became a teenager, I used to fake praying and doing my religious duties. They would make sure to check I was praying on time every day, and that I am reading the religious prayers on their designated days. I was forced to read the “Komeil” prayer every Thursday and do the Friday “Ghusl” (shower). Of course, I had to fast all of the month of Ramadan, and to watch religious T.V. channels all the time, like “Al Surat” and “Al Manar”. Even the discussions at home were all related to religion, and for sure they would call a woman who took off her veil a “whore”. It was even worse in my family since I come from a tribe. My mom sensed my negative attitude toward the veil, so she started to threaten me and plant fear within me by saying “your brothers and father will bury you alive”. Like all teenagers I used to chat a lot online. My family would check my social media accounts and phone constantly to see if I am not doing anything religiously prohibited. I once forgot to hide my phone and lock it before sleeping, and there was a message from a guy I forgot to delete that said, “I like you”. When I woke up, I found my family gathered around me and they told me I should stop talking to him immediately and block him. They confiscated everything I had, and as usual my mom was the one inciting them to do this. She gave me a talk and slut-shamed me and claimed that I dishonored the family and if I ever dare to do this again, they will kill me. Hence, fear has been planted well within me and I started to hide lot of secrets for my own safety. They used to tell me that if I read the Qur’an, it will make me feel better. It never did. It actually made me feel worse, and I was appalled by how the Qur’an speaks about women. I secretly had a boyfriend once at the age of 19 and I thought I would marry him to escape from my family. He was okay with the idea of me removing the veil. I then introduced him to my family. My mom refused him since he did not fit her standards. She used to always tell me she wanted me to marry a rich man so I can take care of the family. She started degrading and abusing me every day to leave him. At the end I caved in and had to break up with him. Yet, one day I was out with a friend and my phone’s battery ran out. When I came back home, I found my brothers waiting for me with weapons. They thought I eloped with the guy. The guy then later on asked me what happened and why my family came to their house with guns and threatened to kill them all. When I went to college, I got to know different people. Yet, I found people there with different mentalities. I was appalled by the veiled females there. for their discussions were mainly about slut-shaming every girl that does not wear the veil. They even had heavier comments regarding the veiled girls that did not wear long enough clothes, or if they smoke, or if they laugh and others hear them. For them, she is immediately a “slut”. I hated this judgmental mentality, so I made sure to stay away from them, and instead spent time with people of a different mentality. I started at the age of 18 till 20 to do a deep research about religion, read more about it, and watched youtubers who criticized religion. I realized at the end that I really do not believe in Islam and hate the veil and Islamic clothing I am forced to wear. I was not even allowed to listen to music or have male friends. Of course, I did these secretly. I had no privacy whatsoever, for they would take the phone numbers of everyone I know and call them anytime I am out to check up on me.   The first time I had the courage to secretly take off my veil was during my time at university. I went to Byblos and took off my veil for the first in my life. It was the most liberating feeling I have ever felt. I went there with a friend and we smuggled with us a cheap wine bottle. I enjoyed the touch of the wind on my neck, and I realized I don’t want to miss out on this feeling ever again in my life. I was at the age of 20 back then. I started to do this more often and go to other places and take off my veil secretly.   They indoctrinated me that the veil protects women from harassment. Yet, I had lot of incidents in which I was harassed in public transportation while wearing the veil and Islamic clothing. If the veil is supposed to protect me, then why is this happening to me? I indulged in self-hatred and never really took care of my looks because of the veil. Even when I started working, I encountered the discrimination against veiled women in the workplace. They made me feel invisible and that I am a sub-human just because of my veil.   At this period, I passed through extreme episodes of depression. I wanted to take off my veil, but I couldn’t. I know if I do, my family will lash out on me. They view the woman who takes off her veil as a prostitute. I wanted to find a solution so bad. I started to contact organizations around the world seeking help. I tried to contact atheist organizations in Europe, but no one ever responded to me. I then contacted an NGO, which is in Lebanon and stands with women subjected to violence. In the beginning they did not know how to deal with my case, for I was a female who wanted to take off her veil and comes from a tribe that is heavily affiliated with religion and has lot of connections with politicians. I used to skip my classes at university and go to that NGO. They put me there in support groups for abused women. This screwed me up back then, for most of the women looked down at me claiming that my case is not important like them. They viewed me as a female who wants to take off her veil, and that was not important for them. Most of the abused women in the support group wear the veil. Even the social worker that handled my case did not take my case seriously, for I think perhaps it is because she comes from a Christian background. She did not realize that I might really get murdered because of that and told me that I am bringing this to myself. I took a break from the NGO because I was emotionally exhausted and did not feel like I am gaining anything from them. When I used to ask them to help me find a way to leave the country, they would tell me I am running away from my problem. I do not know how this makes sense since I will get killed if I face my family.   A girl in my village in 2018 was murdered for honor related reasons. She is loosely related to me. Her mom managed to runaway and seek asylum in the U.S.A., but she was not allowed to take her child with her. Her child was stuck there and was raised in this atmosphere. She got married and suffered from domestic violence. She filed for divorce and found another partner, and so she became a victim of honor killing. They even refused to have a funeral for her. All what my dad said regarding her story is that she deserves it, and that if his daughter ever disgraces him, he would do the same thing. He would say this to my face. The NGO I was going to wrote a story about her. Yet, they knew I am related to her and I would face the same destiny if I face my parents. I went to them again and told them that I need help, but they still insisted that of course they would kill me if I approach my family using the wrong method.   After this, I started to search for methods on my own to leave the country. I started to become reckless. I removed my veil secretly more often. I would time it when my mom is out of the house at a certain time. I once timed it wrong, and my mom was suddenly back early, and she saw me in a place close to our house without the veil. I panicked and begged the taxi driver to drive fast immediately. I had a close friend who does not wear the veil, and as it always is with religious families, they blame these friends for ruining their child. I called this friend, but no one can really me in such a case. My only option was the NGO, so I went to them again, and they did help me. I am grateful for them for saving my life back then. They hid me and kept me in a shelter. Before that, I have once deleted my friend’s phone number from the phones of my family because they used to constantly bug her whenever I go out. Still, my mom managed to find a way to contact her. Four years ago, while I was having a walk with my mom in an area, I naively told my mom that this is where my friend’s grandma lives. My mom remembered that and went to my friend’s grandparents’ house. She acted nicely in front of them so that they would give her my friend’s phone number. My friend was with me back then and she knows all the violence I go through. She knows that my parents put a nice face in front of others and that they treat me differently at home. They even take half of my income that I used to get from tutoring. It was even nothing but 300$, and they would leave me 150$ to spend on myself. My mom told her on the phone just tell me where she is, and we will not do anything to her. My mom then contacted another woman who is the mother of a friend of mine. This woman was a closer image of a mom to me than my actual mom was. This woman called me and told me to come to her and that she would protect me. At this time also the NGO workers told me that someone will come and take me to another safe place in a bit.       My father did not know what happened immediately, so I sent him a message telling him “I don’t want to come again and that I hate the veil and want to take it off for 4 years so far. I don’t want to cause you troubles, so I would rather leave”. This made things worse. Before the NGO took me to another place, they took everything from me, including my phone for security reasons. During the time I spent in the shelter, I was worried about my friend and what my family would do to her. Then the social worker told me that I should speak to my family. I begged them to not do this, but they made me do it. They did not listen to me, and they were pressured by my parents a lot. They were helpless too because my family had a sectarian political party involved in the case. My dad pretended that he was crying on the phone and begged me to come back. I told him I will, but of course I did not. All the employees at the NGO were scared, and they got their social worker who was handling my case to come and convince me to go meet my parents who are now waiting for me downstairs, and that I should leave with them. I didn’t want anyone else to be hurt there because of me. I begged the social worker to stay with me during the meeting with my parents. The social worker is very naïve and told my father that he should sign a paper pledging that he will not abuse me. His response was “I will burn you and your papers and all of the NGO to ashes. Do you know who I am? Do you see this daughter of mine? I will kill her if she ever dares to dishonor me again”. The social worker took me aside and naively told me “so do you want to go back with him?”.    I know they now viewed me as a huge burden and wanted me gone, for now they are facing the wrath of a tribe and politicians because of me. I had no other choice but to go back with my father. I checked up immediately on my friend and she told me that my family came with weapons to her family’s house and threatened them all saying they will kill them all, even her fiancé. They insulted her non-stop and called her an atheist using negative slur words. She tried to get the police involved, but even the police refused to help. I have been secretly friends with her for two years now. I had to claim that I cut off my friendship with her for her own protection and that of her family. My friend is now in Europe.     My parents started to take me to Sheikhs in order to read Qur’anic versus on me to drive away the demons they claim possessed me and made me do this. I played along with them, and faked being religious to get them off my back. The NGO then contacted me and told me that my life is still in danger and that they want to write my story. I told them my story is not done yet, but all they wanted was to have a story. At the end, they were helpless too anyway. They did their part and saved my life once.    During this period, I developed suicidal tendencies. That was at the age of 21 to 22. I would cross the streets recklessly. I even tried to kill myself three times before. I would end up holding the gun to my head and contemplating doing it for hours. I even stored some medicines that would screw up and kill me if I needed to desperately. I thought that I can’t just blow my brains out and traumatize the house helper at my home. My story can’t just end like this.      Suddenly out of nowhere, I got acceptance for a paid internship from a European country that I applied to. My parents surprisingly at the end caved in and accepted due to social prestige. The Lebanese society is very materialistic and gives value to prestigious jobs, so my parents accepted just for the sake of prestige and I convinced them that I will support them by sending them money. My mom said that “at least then I will not be here and cause them another scandal”. I went to the embassy and did my papers, then I got the acceptance. The moment I arrived to the European country I live in now, I immediately took off my veil in the airport and threw it in the garbage bin. I told my dad also as a way to get back at them. They did not tell my brothers immediately. When they knew, they started inciting one of them against me, and one of them disowned me. After I started sending them money, they began to talk to me in a nicer way. Yet, I know they are being fake. They still pester me till now by constant phone calls, and check if I am praying. They even want to do live listening sessions to prayers over the phone. I want to cut them off, but part of me is still weighed down by the abuse I have been through, so I am not ready to take this step yet. I need time to break the trauma-bond I have with them. I am at risk now of losing my job due to the pandemic, but I also applied for asylum and waiting to see if my case will work out, for I can never go back unless I want to be killed.

Case 7: Sami

TITLE	Forced to Practice Religion and Evicted from Home
SEX	Male
AGE	31
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2004 – 2020
AGE THEN	16
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Forced eviction or displacement, Threat/psychological abuse, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	My story started 15 years ago when I became an atheist at the age of 16. I come from a very religious Muslim family where praying, fasting, or sticking to any religious teachings were never an option – they were mandatory daily life tasks. When I first became an atheist, my biggest concern was my parents finding out and the consequences this could have. This is precisely why I decided not to share with them my beliefs at first, and kept my convictions hidden. This of course means that I had to fake praying five times a day and stay away from all the sins, like listening to music. I did not last for long before realizing that my life cannot go on like this forever, so I decided to just share the news with them, knowing for a fact that I will be paying the price, but I was convinced that this was the best option on the long run. I told them I had an announcement to make, so they waited in the living room as I stepped in and said, “I do not believe in your religion or any other religion anymore”. They were both shocked and silent, until my father broke the silence by telling me that I have 30 mins to pack and leave their flat. I did that fast and left for around a year during which I slept in the streets or at random coffee shops, and used the money I had to buy exactly one sandwich and a bottle of water every day, until I was lucky to accidentally meet with a friend who gave me some cash. Long story short, I eventually came back home after I also accidentally met with my relative who was the medium of communication between myself and the family. After I came home, there was a silent agreement that we should not talk about this for a while. However, they made it very clear that there are some rules I need to stick to if I am to stay there. I was never allowed to eat or drink during the fasting month (Ramadan) for example, and I was asked to leave and eat outside. This has caused many fights and debates, as it was discriminatory for me to take away from me the most basic rights of eating or drinking. I coped with the situation by leaving the flat for the whole month of Ramadan and sleeping at my friend or girlfriend’s place and coming back by its end. For the next years, I was constantly pushing my progressive and tolerant views onto them and trying to influence the way they think. My mother was more ready to listen and was showing some considerable change in the way she tolerates other (different) people, even those coming from minority groups. My father’s views stayed more or less the same, except that he completely stopped talking about this to me and was forced to accept the fact that I am free to believe in whatever I want and practice whatever I want. Two years ago, during a discussion with my father, I called myself an ‘atheist’ assuming that he already knew I was one (which he did). I never knew how much of a taboo this word is until I saw his reaction. He was very shocked and pissed, and he indirectly warned me of some consequences without giving much details. My mind immediately went to ‘Hadd Al-rudda’ – the Islamic law that says that those leaving Islam are to be killed, a law that is still practiced officially in 13 Islamic countries, and unofficially (by families) in most of the others. After this I lived for a few months under the fear that my father would take away my life. I used to hide all the knives whenever we slept in the same flat, and spent so many sleepless nights, eaten by my worries and paranoid thoughts. When we talked about this later, I knew that my worries were out of place, and that my father would not really do that, but this does not change the fact that what I felt was real. This was maybe the most intense experience I had, but it was far from being the only one. For my whole life and until this moment, I lived under the fear of being physically harmed or even killed by some religious parties or religious fundamentalists. This is the price of being open about your atheism in a country like Lebanon, the price that I am certain most atheists in Lebanon face. It’s either you hide who you are and keep your views and ideas for yourself, or you will have to pay the price of speaking up and live with your fears and worries.

Case 8: Eddy (alias)

TITLE	Work Related Discrimination
SEX	Male
AGE	44
EX-RELIGION	Maronite Christian
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	June 2019
AGE THEN	43
LOCATION	Metn
CATEGORIES	Discrimination in employment or trade, Restrictions on expression or language
DESCRIPTION	After having an interview on BBC about being an atheist, I got fired from my job at the school I worked at as a physics teacher. It was so sudden, and no one warned me about it. It was time to renew my contract in the summer. The headmaster invited me to his office and told me that I am a good professional person, but I appeared on BBC and spoke about my atheism. Hence, I have two choices, I either sign my resignation paper, or I get fired. Knowing how the country is, I knew that a lawsuit is going to be futile. I just signed my resignation paper and left. I have also received negative comments before from people in my society regarding my atheism.

Case 9: Ahmad (alias)

TITLE	Death Threats, Verbal Harassments and Law Suits
SEX	Male
AGE	32
EX-RELIGION	Druze
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	September 2015 – present
AGE THEN	27
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Hate speech, Discrimination in employment or trade, Restrictions on expression or language

DESCRIPTION	I have been open about my atheism on social media through posts that ridicule religion. I am also active in the political scene and was known because of the “You Stink” movement that happened in 2015. Due to this, one of the Christian political parties decided to do a research on me, and they dug out my old posts in which I ridiculed religion. They made a blog and report about it, and then it went viral on the T.V. channels. Of course, I was portrayed negatively for criticizing religion, and they used this to fight the movement I was participating in After this, I received for at least a month death threats and threats saying they want to beat me. Some people on the street would recognize me and deal with me in an aggressive manner, but nothing physical happened. It was constant verbal harassment, and even my sister at her university was verbally harassed because she is related to me. Even at some points, I would get harassed about it in social events I attended. My ex at that time even received messages harassing her about how she can be with an atheist like me who makes fun of religion. At work I also lost most of my clients and found a hard time to find a job for a year because of this. I was taken for investigation at the police station, and they wanted to force me to sign a document stating I apologize for what I said. Of course, I refused to do so, and refused to answer a call from the minister of interior while there. There are four lawsuits against me because of ridiculing religion. They are still going on till now and I do not know how it will end.

Case 10: Manal (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling and Religious Oppression
SEX	Female
AGE	30
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	1999 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 9
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Beating, Threat/psychological abuse, Restricted access to education, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was forced to wear the veil by the age of 9. My whole family is religious, and they are supporters of a well known sectarian political party, or work for them. I do not know my father since he died fighting for that same party while my mom was still pregnant with me. My family made sure to give me a religious up-bringing using violence to make sure I pray on time, wear long loose Islamic clothing, fast, and do the religious prayers and Du’as. I was put in an Islamic school, and when it was time for me at the age of 9 to wear the veil, they made a huge ceremony and got three big religious leaders to come and attend it and to congratulate us for wearing the veil. When I used to remove the veil at school, even though it was a girls only school, I would get punished. I always had my own doubts about religion, until I became an atheist by the age of 18. Of course, I kept this a secret for myself. My mom married one of my uncles after my father died, and he used to use physical violence to force us to do the religious practices. He used to abuse her too. Late on they divorced. They controlled all aspects of my life, including my outings. I was not allowed to have male friends. When I came out as an atheist and took off my veil at the age of 24, I had a big fight with my family. I had to runaway from home the first day for my own safety. I was bombarded with guilt tripping and emotional black mailing that is usually used by every Lebanese Shia mother. My aunt started inciting my mom against me, and one of my brothers disowned me. They forced me to wear the veil whenever I was in the area with them, and I was allowed to take it off when I leave it. It was always hard to go find a hidden place to go remove it and then go to work. Later on, I registered at the Lebanese University to do another major which is art. During one of the events there, I held a sign that said, “free hugs”. The students committee there belongs to another sectarian political party. Their leader there approached me and told me to remove the sign since it is immoral. I refused, and the fight escalated. They got one of the professors involved and she tried to interrogate me and lecture me about the LGBT community. Most of my colleagues in the art faculty shared my views, and they knew I am a lesbian. They got the administration involved, and I knew I can go nowhere with this, and that from now and on my life there is going to turn into hell for they will keep on pestering me, so I just left and never went back. I could not finish my major and graduate. My real name on the identity card has a religious connotation, so later on I changed it and my friends use the new name I chose for myself, except one of the professors there who was obviously religiou. He used to stress on using my name whenever he called me. My family of course still use the name they gave to me at birth. On the day I left the university, I went to see my sister and my mom called me there interrogating me about what happened since she got calls about me and she was very scared. She lived in constant fear of losing the financial support she receives from the same party, since my dad died fighting for them. They would stop the financial aid if we do not comply to religion publicly. I was horrified too because I cannot afford supporting my mom. The association even refused to pay for my university registeration fees since I am majoring in art, and it is not something they view as morally acceptable for females. Of course, they do not know that I took off my veil. I live a double secretive life. I denied all the accusations when they interrogated me over the phone. I do not want to get my mom into trouble because of me. I even have to wear the veil if I m obliged to visit their association to do any required paperwork. When the port explosion happened, I was affected by it, but I received no support whatsoever from my family because of my lifestyle. Of course, they do not know that I am a lesbian and live with my girlfriend. I live my life in constant fear of being followed by my uncle who was my stepdad. He is a leader in the aforementioned party, and usually monitors the lives of my siblings. He used to beat us when we were kids. He once sent my sister a message about me saying that apostates should be killed. Now I am afraid that at any moment he might monitor me and find out about my lifestyle, for he would definitely kill me, especially that I belong to a prominent known Shia family. My life is on hold now, for I have to keep a very low profile for my own safety.

Case 11: Sanaa (alias)

TITLE	Physical Violence, Religious Oppression and Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	39 (daughter 13)
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2016 – 2018
AGE THEN	-
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Beating, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Discrimination in employment or trade, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	My husband and I were naive, full of energy, and used to think we can face anyone and do a change. I come from a mixed religious background, so my family personally gave me a secular up-bringing, but my husband comes from a Shia background from the south of Lebanon. Both of us are secretly atheists. We decided to live our lives freely, and in the beginning, we did not face problems, except for comments here and there from my husband’s family regarding keeping a low profile regarding our views and lifestyle when we go to the village in Sidon’s territory. Some members in my husband’s family are members and leaders in a sectarian political party and they used to pester us whenever we had a party at our house in the village. My mother-in-law is also secular, but she must wear the veil. We tried to help her to remove it, but she could not take this step, and would breakdown when she is about to take the step. This has to do with the fact that she used to get beaten as a kid to wear it. We decided to stay away from that atmosphere and settled down in Beirut without interfering with any of them. My husband lost his job which was in the field of hotel management after the series of explosions that struck the country. I am a professor at the Lebanese University. When I gave birth to my daughter, we decided to remove religion from our civil identification record. When I went to see the mayor in my village about it, he did not take me seriously and told me if I do that, I will lose my job at the university. This is because jobs in the Lebanese government are equally distributed among the different religions in the country due to the sectarian system ruling us there. I did not want to lose my job, so I had to keep my doctrine, which is Shia, written on it. Later, my husband got a job offer as an area manager for the Southern Suburbs of Beirut from the company Sukleen for waste-management. The offer was really good, so he accepted it. After few months we discovered after being contacted by men from a sectarian party that my husband was chosen for this possession on purpose because of the background of his family. The position of his job was sensitive because it meant he had to enter the southern suburbs of Beirut and access certain streets in it at certain times using the big garbage trucks. They told him first that it is not our business what we do in your life, but you must comply when we tell you that you cannot access a certain street at a certain time we decide on. My husband said that this is not a problem for him and asked them to give him a preferred schedule that allows him to access certain streets. They even told him that you are not allowed to ask what we are doing with the garbage truck when they want to take it and use it in certain streets there. My husband refused at first because the truck belongs to the company and this is illegal. They warned him that as he was appointed in his position, he can be easily fired. They did this for organizational procedures related to their own security and to sometimes traffic weapons from one place to the other. My husband had no other choice since by that time we had two daughters to support financially. Then they started telling him that he should attend religious events with them there. Then they started to pester him about me that since I work in a university and I come from a Shia background, I should represent this background well by wearing the veil. They tried to approach me at university too by inviting me to religious events, such as reading the Kumayl prayer every Thursday. My husband said we either have to comply and accept these invitations or face them. I said I am ready to face them. They do not force us, but they use different tactics like bribing me with extra working hours in order to make extra money. I told my husband that I do not have to do that since I am doing fine with my job, but if he in his job has to comply, then we have no other choice since it is essential for our survival. We thought it would stop at this, but it did not. They told my husband that we know in which school your daughter is, and that in the school she is in now she won’t be able to wear the veil since it is against the school policy. My husband told them that my daughter is too young to wear the veil. They insisted that it is better to put her in another school and make her wear the veil, saying that a person can be juvenile now but later on will come back to god and she will eventually wear the veil, so why to delay that? Here I said that we cannot let them interfere with my daughter. I told my husband to move her to a Christian school to get her away from such an atmosphere, even though we both are against religious schools. Still, most of the students in it were Shia. She was 9 years old back then. During one of her geography periods, they studied about how elections work in Lebanon. Their teacher explained how the civil identification record worked and asked them to bring theirs to do a presentation on their own. I sent my daughter’s civil identification record with her doctrine removed from it with a letter to the teacher explaining the situation. The teacher was very understanding and explained the situation well to the students. Yet, the students did not take it well and started bullying my daughter saying she has no religion in a negative connotation, and they asked her if she is Druze since that is how they viewed the Druze. They lectured her about how she will burn for eternity in hell, get hung by her hair there and turn into snakes that bite her, and the Jinn will come for her at night. This severely affected the mental state of my daughter, and she still suffers from nightmares till now and has to go to counselling because of it. They called her “unclean” and a “pig”. They told her if she eats pork, she will get sick and have snakes in her stomach. I even received comments from my husband’s family whenever I put a picture of my daughters on the internet, for they would say I am showing their flesh, which disgusted me deeply how they sexualize children. The school called us in order to solve this issue outside the school premises with the parents of the other kids. The main bully belongs to a known Shia tribe. The school are aware of him, but they cannot expel him since his father is a known thug and leader in a political party and they are forced to enroll his kids for free in the school. My husband knows him because of his work in the southern suburbs in Beirut and did not want to get involved with him. He tried to explain to him that my daughter is not spreading atheism, but the man insisted that my daughter should say out loud that she is Shia in her class, especially that her father is known. He threatened us and we started receiving calls at home to threaten us and that my daughter and I should wear the veil in order to be a good representative of our background and positions at work. My husband was once returning late from his work and he got stopped by thugs sent by them and they beat him brutally. He ended up at the hospital and went to the court to file a lawsuit. The judge there told him that nothing will really happen, even the lawyer said the same thing. After my husband finished his physiotherapy after getting assaulted, he went back to work later on and had a meeting with them in an area in the Southern Suburbs of Beirut. They told him while threatening him with weapons that what they did to him is nothing, and that they could not care less now if my daughter and I wear the veil, but he must comply to everything they tell him. This happened in 2017. Here I told my husband to resign from his job, and we tried to keep a low profile and stay away from everything. We moved to a different apartment, changed my daughter’s school, and my husband found a new job in another area. Still, this was not enough. They did not leave us alone for whenever we went to our village, they would come and pester us about our lifestyle, and how it does not comply to religion. I stayed at my job during this whole time. I was one of the professors who worked at the Lebanese University using a work contract. I worked like this for 10 years, and then suddenly some employees who have been there for one year only got promoted and turned into permanent employees. They told me that if I had complied to them, then they could have made me a permanent employee too, but it is my fault for being stubborn. Degrees and achievements meant nothing there. My husband’s family kept on pestering us. We even once had an incident in the village. Turns out the floor below us there belongs to a religious political party and they use it to store stuff for them. They had one of their security guards once there and he did not know that we live there and belong to the area, so he raised his weapon against us to stop us from accessing the building. They said that I looked like a stranger without wearing the veil. The misunderstanding was cleared later on. Once my husband’s cousins came to lecture us on why we should not have alcoholic drinks in our apartment, and how they get annoyed from the odor of Arak. Here I could not take it anymore, so I told my husband it is time for us to leave. We tried to apply to go to Australia, but my husband was rejected because of a resemblance between his name and that of one of his cousins. This cousin is wanted by the Interpol for he works for a sectarian militia and used to traffic weapons and money for them in Europe. The Australian government accepted me only, but they did not accept my daughters since they have the family name of my husband. Of course, I refused to leave without my daughters. Then we applied to Canada, and we received a better humane treatment from them than we did from Australia. Canada is the only country that accepted us, especially out of sympathy for my daughters who were discriminated against in Lebanon. I am now in Canada with my two daughters. My husband is still stuck in Lebanon because of the same issue related to his cousin, and his case is now in the court in order to prove that he is not his cousin. My husband had to divorce me on the papers and give me full custody for my daughters in order to be able to leave to Canada. We left secretly without telling anyone for our own security. Now I am waiting to see the result of my husband’s case and I cannot rest until he is safe with me and my daughters. I tried to contact atheist organizations abroad, like Atheist Republic, but they did not really help us. They put me in contact with someone they know in Lebanon, but all they were interested in was having a story to publish and to make our names public. I refused to because my husband is still stuck there, and I am afraid for his safety. Therefore, I kept all names in my story here anonymous. I know we are not alone, and there are lot of other people suffering like us. I know some personally, and they do not dare to speak up.

Case 12: Cynthia (alias)

TITLE	Emotional and Physical Abuse Because of Refusal of Wearing the Veil
SEX	Female
AGE	26
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2003
AGE THEN	9
LOCATION	South
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Torture or ill-treatment, Beating, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Hate speech, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	When I was child, I lived with my mother and brothers in the village, while my dad lived abroad for work. Right when I turned nine years old in 2003, my mom, along with members of my extended Muslim Shia family wanted me to start wearing the veil. When they put that hijab on me, I felt suffocated and I just did not want to wear it, so I took it off right away, I threw it on the ground and stepped on it. That’s when the whole family got furious and teamed up against me. I was hit, I was forced to eat chili pepper as a punishment and I was locked in the bathroom for hours. From that day onwards, everybody treated me like I was “Satan” and my mom often called me a slut. My mental health started to deteriorate ever since, and at 15 years old I tried to commit suicide by cutting my wrists, but I was hospitalized. that was the start of a series of suicide attempts. A few years later, after I turned 21, I finally managed to become financially independent and I could move out of my parent’s house. I also did seek psychological help, but the doctor seemed to be uninterested in my story and didn’t really help me, I gave up on that after a few sessions. I currently have no relationship with my mother whatsoever, but my brothers are all atheists and I do get along well with them, I’m also on good terms with my dad.

Case 13: Samer (alias)

TITLE	A Veiled Trans Man
SEX	Trans Man
AGE	24
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2004
AGE THEN	Starting age of 8
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was eight years old when I started to wear the veil, my family is a moderate Muslim family, but they do expect the daughters to be veiled, I did not mind at the time. As I grew older, I started to realize that I don’t even identify as a girl, I am a trans man, I feel like a man and I want to act like one, I even felt attracted to my sister’s friends who used to come over and hang out at our place. The realization shocked me, as it goes against all of my religious beliefs. I started to feel that I’m sinning by thinking this way. At the time, I grew closer to religion and started to wear even longer and looser clothes in the hopes that god would help me get over these thoughts. That obviously did not work. Around that time of my life is when I started to do deeper research about religion, and that’s when I started to doubt it. I did go through a period of fear and anxiety, as I felt that everything I previously believed in is now a lie. After I became an atheist, I did discuss with my family the fact that I want to take the veil off, without telling them about my new found belief, or more precisely, the lack of it. My dad opposed me, and thought someone is manipulating me. He also said that he is afraid of the reactions of his direct and extended family members along with his friends and the society in general. I wish to be able to take that piece of fabric off one day, and to start my transition journey and to be finally able to live as the person that I truly am. Note: Samer managed to take the veil off a few days after conducting this interview.

Case 14: Aya (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling and Physical Violence
SEX	Female
AGE	30
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	1998 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 8
LOCATION	Nabatieh
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Torture or ill-treatment, Beating, Unlawful detention, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Hate speech, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was eight years old when I had to wear the veil, for it is the norm in my family. The Islamic school I was put in also imposes hijab on girls starting from the third grade, along with a very strict Islamic dress code. The part of the society I live in is very conservative. For years I did not know that refusing to wear the veil was even an option, or that there exist girls who do not wear it and lead a normal life. Therefore, I was shocked when I started attending a public high school, for there I saw non-veiled girls. That is when I began to doubt everything I was told by my family and my previous Islamic school, and I started to look around for answers about religion. The more I knew, the more I drifted away from Islam, and that is when I started to have issues with my parents. The worst happened when I started to open-up about wanting to take off the veil. I was often threatened to be hit and locked in my room forever, but I did not think that they might actually do it. Until one day I informed them that I am done with it and that I am officially going out without it the next day. I was attacked mainly by my mom. I ended up with multiple bruises and cuts all over my body and face. She even pulled out chunks off my scalp. She confiscated my passport, car keys and credit cards, all with the help of my father. Then they locked me in my room. I was only allowed out when I promised not to take off the veil. I often think of leaving my family, but they have connections to political religious parties and powerful people. Hence, I am afraid I would be brought back home against my will to even worse conditions. The only option for me would be to leave Lebanon to a safer place where I would be able to lead a normal and a free life.

Case 15: Michel (alias)

TITLE	Denying of Official Documents
SEX	Male
AGE	-
EX-RELIGION	Maronite Christian
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2020
AGE THEN	-
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Restricted access to utilities, Restricted access to social welfare, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I come from a Maronite Christian background, but my Lebanese-Armenian fiancée and I had decided to get married in a civil ceremony in Cyprus during the summer of 2020 and not in a church, as we are atheists. However, the pandemic outbreak and the restrictions on travel made that impossible so we had to delay our wedding. Later on, I got a job offer in Saudi Arabia that required me to relocate there within 3 months, which meant that we had to get married before I leave. So, we started to look through our options, and that’s when we found out that it would be possible for us to get married in Armenia, especially since my fiancée has an Armenian citizenship. I thought of that as the perfect opportunity as it will allow me to get the Armenian citizenship right away, and that will benefit my career in KSA immensely, because as a Lebanese, my employment in the gulf wouldn’t be as secure. Next, my fiancée and I visited the Armenian embassy and we did obtain a list of the required documents, among which was a declaration of marital status, that I was required to get from the church in my hometown. I did go to the church to obtain that document, but the priest I talked to was skeptical, and he asked whether I’m planning to get a civil or a religious marriage in Armenia, so I told him that we are doing both, just to save myself from going through a whole debate with him, and I did explain to him that this way I will be allowed to apply for the citizenship and why is that important for my career. Yet, he refused to provide me with the document and tried to pressure me into getting married at the church in Lebanon. When I insisted, he wanted me to get the approval from the archbishopric in Beirut. And so as per his request I did go to Beirut to meet the bishop who in turn was very arrogant and told me to get married at the church in Lebanon then later get a civil marriage in Armenia, which would not work. I am not proud of what I did next but I believe that I had to do it. I went back to the church in my hometown, and I told the priest that the bishop gave me his verbal approval. And that is how I finally got my document.

Case 16: Hassan (alias)

TITLE	Denied Education
SEX	Male
AGE	22
EX-RELIGION	Sunni Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2020
AGE THEN	Starting age of 4
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Restricted access to education, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was born to a very religious Muslim Sunna family from Tripoli. My dad decided that my siblings and I should not be getting public education; instead, he enrolled us in a religious institution that was affiliated with Saudi Arabia and taught us all about Wahhabism, along with Quran and Hadith studies. During my teenage years, I was very religious; I used to go to the mosque every day and never skipped any of my religious obligations. However, I was starting to notice some inconsistencies in the Quran and Hadith, and I started to ask my teachers about those inconsistencies, but they never gave me satisfactory answers, and sometimes I was dismissed with no answers at all. That is when I started to doubt religion, I got depressed, and I stayed at home for days on end, just laying down on my bed and thinking about religion, god, the universe, and everything in between. My parents were angry with me because of the things I discussed and thought about, even though they did not know that I am no longer a believer. They currently think that I am a moderate Muslim, because I cannot share my thoughts with them. My dad would deny me inheritance if he knew that I am an atheist now. And my brother who is currently in Roumieh jail for communicating with ISIS, could kill me once he is out. I am also stuck in this collapsing country, because in order to travel and work abroad I would need proper education, which I was denied when I was a child.

Case 17: Salma (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	22
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2020
AGE THEN	21
LOCATION	South (Tyre)
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Beating, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was 13 years old when I started to wear the veil. At the time, I did not mind it. It was my mom’s idea and I just went ahead an agreed. My extended family is not very religious, my maternal aunts are not veiled, and my paternal aunts only started to wear the veil around the same time as me. I began to feel annoyed by the veil during the first month after wearing it, but I kept that feeling to myself, and did not bring it up. I only gathered the courage to tell my parents that I want to take it off in January of 2020. I thought it was the right time, because by then they were aware of the fact that I am not a believer, and that I do not perform any religious practices. However, as opposed to what I expected, their reaction was aggressive, they got so angry, and I was beaten. They told me that they would not let this happen as long as I am living under their roof, and that I can only take it off if I get married or if I leave the country. After that incident, I was shocked, and I realized that I could not take this step now, as I am still a student and have no financial independence whatsoever. I also do not want to jeopardize my relationship with my parents; this is why I will wait until I can move out of their house before I gain my freedom.

Case 18: Loubna (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	23
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2020
AGE THEN	21
LOCATION	South (Tyre)
CATEGORIES	Threat/psychological abuse, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I come from a very religious Muslim Shia family, my grandfather was a well-known sheikh in our city. Right when I turned 8 years old, my parents informed me that it is now time for me to start wearing the veil. At the time I did not want to wear it, but I just did not fight it back as I believed that it is something all girls must do, I did not even know that refusing was an option. As I approached my teenage years, I started to have my doubts about religion and I started to discuss my ideas with some friends, and my uncle, who is roughly about my age. And bit by bit I started to drift away from religion and I hated the veil. I also began to feel a distortion between my actual personality and beliefs, and what I show to the people and how I act around them, which led me to depression. I did seek psychological help, the doctor put me on medications but that didn’t really help me. That’s when I decided to approach my parents and tell them that I wanted to take it off. When I told my mom, she almost had a heart attack, so I acted like if this was a prank, and I never talked about it again. Another part of why I didn’t bring it up again is the fact that they will disown me over something like this. And this is why I’m waiting until I graduate and get a job before I do anything that might end up in me being on the streets.

Case 19: Ali

TITLE	Family Violence Because of Atheism
SEX	Male
AGE	24
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	Since 2015
AGE THEN	Starting age of 20
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Threat/psychological abuse, Hate speech, Restrictions on expression or language

DESCRIPTION	I was born and raised in a radical Muslim Shia family. My mom and her siblings have disowned their sister because she was an atheist and she took her veil off after she got married, and they would always talk about her in front of us and portray her as a bad example not to be followed. At the age of 20, I started to be a sceptic, not all religious teachings made sense to me anymore, so I decided to do my own research, and I read about theology, religion, philosophy and science, and that’s when I became an atheist. My parents and older siblings noticed that I’m not praying anymore and that I am discussing religious matters that, they believe, should never be discussed. At first, they tried to lecture me to bring me back to the “righteous path” and threatened to kick me out to the streets if I don’t start praying again. I was a university student at that time with no source of income so I just decided to pretend pray. I even had to pretend that I’m fasting in Ramadan, my mother used to go into my room and check inside the drawers to see if I hid any food in there. I recently started to put snacks and some fruits in a bag and hang them outside the bathroom window so that I could eat when I go to the bathroom. One time I was reading a book titled “A Brief History of Time” by Stephen Hawking, my parents saw that and went crazy, they took the book and ripped it to pieces claiming that it is a book against god and creationism. I argued that if god existed like they believe, he would not care if I believe or not in his existence, and that’s when I was kicked out of the house. I had nowhere to go so I spent my night on the roof of the building. My younger brother stood by me and helped get back home. My relationship with my parents remains rocky until this day.

Case 20: Rawan

TITLE	Discrimination at School
SEX	Female
AGE	-
EX-RELIGION	Sunni Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2007 – 2010
AGE THEN	-
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Restricted access to education, Restrictions on expression or language
DESCRIPTION	I was put in an Islamic school called “Al Iman” and inside the school premises I was forced to wear the veil. I used to constantly remove it, and this got me into trouble with the teachers and the administration every day. They would constantly kick me out of the class. They did not allow me to register for the next year. Then I did grade 10 in Al Rawda school. I came to the decision that I am an atheist while I was in grade 10 and I was vocal about it. The administration that handled the school back then were not fond of my views. I faced the same problems all over again, and then they did not allow me to register for the next year. The year after that I went to Louaize School. During one of the bible studies periods, the teacher asked who here does not believe in god, and so I raised my hand. The administration was fine by it, unlike my previous schools, but the students were not. Here is when bullying started, and my colleagues would try to avoid me saying I worship the devil. My parents tried to make me change my views for a while by making me see Islamic Sheikhs to lecture me, but luckily my parents are not very conservatives, so they eventually gave up and let me be. I was vocal about my atheism because I believed it is my right to do so just as the Muslims and the Christians are vocal about their beliefs and proudly say I am a Muslim or a Christian. After the incidents I encountered, I learned to stay quiet about it to avoid getting into trouble. I only dare to open up among a like-minded social circle I managed to get to know.

Case 21: Sima (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling, Verbal Violence, Death Threats and Work Termination
SEX	Female
AGE	29
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2001 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 10
LOCATION	Beirut – South Lebanon
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Discrimination in employment or trade, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	My family made me wear the veil at the age of 8 because that is what Islam says. I was lured into wearing it, for they threw me a big party, and everyone got me gifts. Hence, I was happy because of that and I found myself wearing the veil. My family is very religious, and they forced me to do all the religious practices. I was not even allowed to listen to music, and even if a commercial passed on the T.V., they would immediately change the channel so that we do not see it. They made sure to brainwash me well. They put me in the Islamic scouts, and I had a high rank there. I have always loved reading, so this led me to acquire knowledge and to question the beliefs I was raised on. I felt guilty because of the thoughts I had, so I registered in religious classes provided by a prominent political Shia party. The more I learned there, the more I was personally convinced about my thoughts. I became an atheist, and I was free from the shackles of all the brainwashing done to me. I first tried to stop wearing the long Islamic gown my parents made me wear, but they totally refused that. I was 21 years old back then. I stayed like that for 4 years stuck with wearing the hijab. I started working in a channel and at the same time I became active on social media about my new views in life, whether about religion or politics. I got fired from my job because of this. Then after this, I planned to travel from the country in order to be able to take my veil off. Hence, I worked in another channel for 8 months to save money and be able to take this step. I had the same problems about religion in this channel just like I had in my previous workplace. After this, I left to Jordan in 2017 and I took off my veil there. I announced this on social media too and became more vocal about my views. Of course, everyone saw this in my family and my village. They cussed at me and threatened me. They tried to emotionally blackmail me, but they could not do anything because I was far away from them in another country. My family disowned me because of this for a long period of time. I faced problems later on in Jordan in my workplace. My boss tried to sexually harass me, and when I refused, my salary started to gradually decrease, and they stripped away from me all the other benefits I had that was offered by my job. This of course affected my living conditions there, so I had to eventually leave Jordan and go back to Lebanon. I stayed then in a dorm for students without my parents’ knowledge yet. After two years of not talking to each other, they eventually started to accept reality and that that’s how I am and how my life is going to be. Then, my brother joined a prominent religious political party now that he is growing up and his thoughts started to be affected by this. Problems between me and him started to escalate a lot. It reached a point in which he threatened to kill me. Due to this, I had to leave home again before finishing the other major I am doing now at university. I lived in the south for a short period of time in an area close to nature in which it was not safe living there. I managed to find freelance jobs until I was able to come back to Beirut and find a place to live there. I had to live in dire poverty and without basic living furniture and home appliances because I had to gradually take some of my stuff from my parents’ home when my brother was not at home. My family did not tell my brother where I live now because they know he would come and kill me. This is it for me so far, and I have no idea what might happen to me next and if my brother might kill me in the future.

Case 22: Mirna (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	20
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2009 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 9
LOCATION	Bekaa
CATEGORIES	Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was born to a religious Shia family from the Bekaa area, I started to wear the veil at age 9. I attended an Islamic school, and I used to regularly take part in religious lectures even on the weekends. When I turned 15 years old I decided to wear the abaya as well, as I was influenced by my society. 4 years later I decided to take off the abaya, keeping a less orthodox form of the veil, as I was going through a rough phase of my life, and I needed a change. I was told that what I’m doing is wrong and that I am going to regret it later, mainly by my sisters who also wear it. At that point I was still a believer. I started to have my doubts around the time the revolution began in 2019, I saw how religious Shia parties are being opposed to change, and are standing strongly behind the corruption and injustice. That made me question everything else they stand behind, religion included. When I shared my thoughts with an atheist friend that I had, he suggested some books to me, including “The God Delusion” by Richard Dawkins, and that is when I started to really turn into atheism. I discuss religion with my family sometimes, and most of the time they have no answers for my questions. However, I still cannot face them with the decision to take the veil off, as that is bound to start a set of reactions that I can’t yet deal with. I hope that one day I would become independent enough to be able to move away and live freely.

Case 23: Naseem (alias)

TITLE	Restricted Access to Education and Verbal Violence
SEX	Male
AGE	19
EX-RELIGION	Evangelical Christian
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2018 till present
AGE THEN	17
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Threat/psychological abuse, Restricted access to education
DESCRIPTION	I come from a very religious Christian evangelical household. My parents put me in an Evangelical school and made me attend church with them every week. When I grew older, I became an atheist and decided to come out about it to my parents at the age of 17. I told them I want to inform them about something important, and they deceived me into feeling safe about speaking to them by saying they love me no matter what. Yet, the next day they told me I am a disappointment, verbally abused me, accused me of losing my mind, and that they will stop funding my university education. I ended up having a panic attack and crying in front of them, trying to convince them that I cannot simply change my beliefs just like they cannot do so. Later, I had to wait and change my university and go to a public one because of that. Now due to the economic crisis hitting Lebanon, I was forced to reach out for financial support from my aunts and uncles, but they also refused to because of my atheism. Of course, social gatherings in my family are filled with insulting hints here and there about me and my views, for they make sure to never miss an opportunity to badger me about it.

Case 24: Lilian (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	28
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2002 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 9
LOCATION	South (Tyre)
CATEGORIES	Threat/psychological abuse, Restrictions on expression or language, Restric-tions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was 9 years old when I started to wear the veil, my Muslim Shia family, mainly my mother, wanted me to wear it, and at the time I did not mind, I was also influenced by my friends who in turn were veiled by that age. It was when I turned 22 years old, that I started to have doubts about religion and whether it was really sent to us by a god or if it was just a human made concept. After doing some reading on the subject I concluded that I don’t believe in religion nor in god. And that is when I decided to stop praying and fasting. I also decided to start wearing a less orthodox form of the hijab. And even though I did not inform my parents of these decisions, nor of my new beliefs, they did notice the change in my behavior, and they were not so happy about it. They always tried to lecture me about the way I am dressing. And my mom went as far as threatening me that she will cause me problems with my dad and siblings if I don’t fast and pray, that was before the month of Ramadan 2020 started. Later on, I did sit my parents down and I told them that I want to take the veil off, needless to say that they were unhappy to hear that. Right now I’m afraid that if I take the decision for real, the reactions are going to be magnified, and I still can’t be on my own right now. I also fear the reactions of the society and my friends. I might lose some people that I know.

Case 25: Jasmin (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	30
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2002 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 9
LOCATION	Beirut – Bekaa
CATEGORIES	Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I wore the veil at the age of 9. I had no choice in this matter since the atmosphere I grew up in is religious and the women around me wears it. The hijab affected me mentally, for suddenly I could not play with boys anymore, and lot of other things were prohibited for me. I developed social anxiety because it, for I could not be myself as I wanted to in public. I remember once I went with a friend of mine at the age of 16 to the cinema and I noticed that we were the only two girls who wear the veil there, so I felt like I do not belong there, and I just left immediately. I always felt like I would be sexualized if my hair is visible, so the thought of another man seeing it, or shaking hands with them, crippled me and worsened my anxiety even more. Even when I had a physical relationship with a man for the first time, I could not bring myself to remove the veil immediately, for religious indoctrination and brainwashing was always there present in the back of my head to weigh me down. This led me to get married to a man I realized I do not want to be with just because we had a physical relationship once. I managed to remove the veil at the age of 20 when I was with my ex-husband in another country. My parents of course did not accept this lightly. Now whenever I have to go to my village in Bekaa, my parents make me wear the veil again to avoid having people there gossip about them, for society views a woman who takes off her veil as a fallen one.

Case 26: Houssam (alias)

TITLE	Discrimination at School
SEX	Male
AGE	18
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2017
AGE THEN	13 – 14
LOCATION	South (Sidon)
CATEGORIES	Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Hate speech Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I come from a Muslim Shia background and my parents are religious. I was in 9^th grade when I came out as an atheist at school. After that, most of my classmates started to bully me, they didn’t want to be friends with someone who didn’t believe in god. They started to advise me to repent, and when that did not work, they began to threaten to “expose” me to my school teachers and my parents, who at the time did not know of this. One classmate went as far as telling me that he would go to heaven for killing me. Later that same school year, my Arabic teacher knew about my atheism, and that is when she began directing hate speech at me. She would give example sentences in class such as “لا أسعد الله الملحدين” (may god never bestow happiness upon atheists). All of this made me anxious and depressed for a while, I felt so alone having no friends and feeling like nobody likes me. I did tell my parents about my atheism a few months after the school incidents began, and they were surprisingly accepting.

Case 27: Rima (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling and Restricted Access to Education
SEX	Female
AGE	25
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2003 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 8
LOCATION	Bekaa
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Beating, Restricted access to education, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I was 8 years and 9 months old when I decided to wear the veil, I was influenced at that time by my friends at the Islamic school that I attended, and of course my religious Muslim family. Had I not voluntarily started to wear it, my family would have waited a few months until I turned 9 years old and forced it on me anyway. By the time I turned 20, I had stopped believing in religion, and the veil was starting to weigh down on my mental health, I wanted to take it off. But I could not talk to my parents about it, because I knew that their reaction is going to be something I cannot handle, I was sure that they will beat me and lock me at home if I bring anything like this up. So, I just decided to start applying to scholarships abroad, I thought this way I can get my freedom without jeopardizing the little bits of it that I currently have. And to my surprise I got a scholarship right away, I decided to tell my parents about it thinking they will be happy for me, but instead they actually beat me and did not allow me to leave. My older sisters did talk to my parents later, and they were able to convince them to let me pursue my education abroad, but unfortunately it was too late and I could not take that scholarship anymore. I am currently applying to different scholarships and universities, in the hopes of being able to leave soon.

Case 28: Malak (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	22
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2006 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 8
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I wore the veil at the age of 8 by my own “will”. I did not know what the veil meant when I wore it. At that time my older sister wore it, so I was jealous of her. I did not realize that my childish decision is going to burden me this much at the age of 16, for that is when my beliefs have changed, and I no longer believed in the hijab. My family is very religious, and I never opened up to them out of fear. This year I tried to tell my mom that I want to take it off, but I never dared to tell her about the main reason, which is because I am an atheist. I made up excuses to her, like I am not able to find a job because of the hijab and that it is limiting me in life. Of course, her answer was no. My parents criticize me for not praying or attending Ashura’s ceremonies, and for not fasting in Ramadan. Just to avoid them badgering me about it, I faked praying and fasting. Now I am 22 years old and I cannot tell them why I do not believe anymore, or why I don’t want to do the religious practices, and why I want to take off my veil. I do not know how long I can fake it so that they do not disown me or hurt me.

Case 29: Fatima (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	25
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2015
AGE THEN	20
LOCATION	Lebanon
CATEGORIES	Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I wore the hijab at the age of 9. My parents are not the violent kind but there was a lot of pressure – mainly from my paternal grandfather on my dad – to get his daughters to wear the hijab. I ‘chose’ to wear it at nine. I remember one time a few years after putting it on that I wanted to take it off. I was still a child and my mum told me that I would be hurting my father if I did that. Now I see it as emotional manipulation. I backed down then. After that, I would take it out in secret when I leave the house sometimes. It was exhausting to keep lying to my family about that – and every time I left the house, I would be anxious that somebody who knows my family would tell on me. This happened before because I was seen out with a boy – and it did not go well. At the age of 20 – and with the help of my other sisters – I finally took off the hijab. I lost friends immediately. Extended family gatherings became contentious. I lost count of how many ‘goodwill’ comments I received. This does not even include the comments I did not hear about – the ones said behind my back. An acquaintance once told me that she was hearing rumors about me from our prior common friends from school. I was not very confrontational a few years ago, the opposite, I was rather very timid, and this caused me great anxiety. My first year was awfully lonely. It is better now. But until this day I get warned not to ‘speak’ about my religious views or the hijab, to not ‘encourage’ the behavior I participated in. My family keeps reminding me not to smear their names and to keep my head down. I am luckier than most in the sense that my parents did not cause any physical harm and that they grew to accept – to a degree – who I am. But there are certain things that they are not comfortable with, even now.

Case 30: Aliaa (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling and Religious Oppression
SEX	Female
AGE	36
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	1994 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 8
LOCATION	Mount-Lebanon
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Torture or ill-treatment, Beating, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I come from a very strict religious family. At the young age of 6 they used to make me fast all day long during the month of Ramadan. I used to secretly drink water in the kitchen because it was too hot for me back then since we were at that time in UAE. After my family moved back to Lebanon, it became worse. They became more involved in the religious society they lived in and that of their extended family. They used to beat me to make me pray. Violence was used to make me do anything they wanted. Of course, they made me wear the veil too at the age of 8. I was dragged by force to pray at the mosque and perform the prayers during Al-Qader nights. If physical force were not used, they would verbally and emotionally abuse me to pray. I was even a victim of sexual harassment and almost raped as a kid, but they did not even care about it. I developed bulimia at that time. My mom even made me wear the long Islamic gown like the one she wears. The clothes she made me wear were for a middle-aged woman, and not for a kid or a teenager. It was difficult for me to play in such clothes. They even took away from me the bicycle and threw it, for it is not appropriate for a girl to sit on it and ride a one. Having my own opinions was a sin for them. I was still getting physically beaten until the age of 33. I used to end up bloodied and in need of medical treatment. My father and brothers used to beat me a lot. I always had my doubts and thoughts about religion. I lived a double life. I was a different person when I go out, and another one at home. I lied almost about everything. For example, I lied about knowing Christian people, or touching dogs at shelters since dogs are considered unclean in Islam. They used to accuse me of being a bad person and doubt my virginity which they associate with honor just because I had Christian friends. At the age of 25 I became an atheist and that is when I started having a double life. At the age of 33 I finally had the courage to take my veil off. I received death threats. I got the police involved and I gave my number and their numbers to my friends to tell them if I die to let everyone know that my family is the murderer. Of course, they beat me a lot. Till now my dad still wants to kill me, in addition to some of my brothers. My dad cannot stand the sight of me. Some of my brothers wanted to throw me in the street immediately. My extended family of course talked negatively about me. My mom wanted to kill me too, and she was inciting everyone against me. They immediately thought I am a prostitute just because I took off my veil. I managed to find a good job and leave to live in another area in the country. Till now I live in fear of the threats I receive. I am afraid of going to other areas in the country where my family is. I am afraid of expressing my thoughts on social media. No matter how much I try to run out of my past, I still feel exhausted mentally and physically. I am tired of everything. I cannot endure physical violence anymore. My body cannot handle it anymore. Mentally I am also beaten.

Case 31: Roula (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling and Discrimination at School
SEX	Female
AGE	25
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2005 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 9
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Hate speech, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices, Other

DESCRIPTION	My story began at a very young age, as I come from a religious Muslim Shia family, where girls are expected to automatically wear hijab at age nine. I also attended an Islamic girl’s only school. Back then, I was still religious, I wore the veil and feared god, I especially felt guilty whenever I skipped a prayer. However, the teachers at school thought that I was somehow less religious than I should be; I believe that part of this was related to my dad being affluent, which was linked at that school to a less religious lifestyle. Add to that, the fact that I sometimes questioned what they used to teach us. This led to me being bullied and mistreated by my teachers. In fifth grade a close friend of mine suddenly stopped talking to me, I found out later that our religion teacher had talked to her, and advised her to stay away from me, since she considered me a bad influence. Another incident happened when I went up to my teacher to ask her for advice because I was unable to cry in Ashoura, she promised to address the matter in class. That is when she publicly shamed me in front of my classmates, saying that God has blinded some people’s hearts, and that is the reason they cannot cry, while looking directly at me. Even after leaving that school when I finished 8^th grade, teachers were still talking about me, claiming that the only reason I left is that I wanted to wear tight pants and shorter uniforms, while completely overlooking the fact that I left because of their bullying. A few years later I managed to convince my parents to let me take the veil off, it was not an easy mission but I was glad I could finally go through with it. Even then, people from that school began to call my mom and try to incite her against me. I currently live abroad and I am very glad that I moved away from that society.

Case 32: Layla (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	29
EX-RELIGION	Sunni Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	1998 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 7
LOCATION	Tripoli
CATEGORIES	Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Hate speech, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices, Other

DESCRIPTION	I was born in Tripoli to a religious Muslim Sunni family, my grandfather is a sheikh and my dad goes to pilgrimage every year. At that time, I was religious and I used to attend religion classes on weekends, I was convinced that god would punish me severely for showing hair. Therefore, I chose to start wearing the veil at age 7. I was still extremely religious throughout my teenage years; I wore very long abayas and prayed at the mosque every day. After I turned 18, and I started to go to university, I began to meet people with different faiths and lifestyles that me. This shocked me, I realized that I was living in a tiny bubble made by my family and my community, and that I knew nothing outside of that bubble. I started to wonder whether god would be torturing all these people in the afterlife. This curiosity led me to get closer to different people, I wanted to know all about them and their lifestyles, and I ended up befriending many Christians and Shia, and even non-believers. My family knew nothing about this, until I fell in love with a Shia friend of mine, and decided to introduce him. Their reaction to my announcement was insane; they started to yell and threatened to kill me if I ever see him again. This incident was a turning point in my life, and I began to wonder why does god hate love, and why did he create all those different religions and why does he want them to kill each other? Little by little, I stopped believing and I turned to atheism. And even though I did not tell my family about this, my mom figured it out, since I don’t pray and fast now, and she tries to make me feel guilty by blaming me for her cancer. She says that god sent her this illness because she raised such an ungrateful girl like me. This always hurt me. I currently work and live alone in Beirut, I take my veil off whenever I’m there and I put it on when I go back home to Tripoli. I am very afraid that my family would cut me off or even kill me if I take the veil off once and for all, and this is why I’m leading this double life, even though it is physically and mentally exhausting. I hope to be able to break free from it one day.

Case 33: Rania (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	21
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2017 till present
AGE THEN	18
LOCATION	Southern Suburb of Beirut
CATEGORIES	Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I previously wrote my story, and it was mentioned in the article “We are atheists and we wear the veil” under the pseudonym “Rania”. Reference to my story: “I was 18 when I first told my parents about wanting to remove the hijab (a decision I’ve been wanting to make since I started my teenage years). I thought after starting college it would be easy, that they would see me as a grown up making my own life choices. I was wrong. It was a disaster; my mom was furiously angry and my dad had a mini heart attack. I was losing my mind as I saw my plan crashing in front of me. I’m almost 20 now and still struggling with them, fighting over everything and anything, all because of my choice. They blamed my university education and threatened to keep me from going (since they pay for my tuition). They blamed everything just because they could not fathom that this is actually a choice that I made on my own, THEIR girl. I’ve been wearing the veil for 11 years – more than half of my life, and still I can’t accept it. People say it’s my choice since my parents “asked” me when I was 8 years old, but how can a child understand and make such a decision, a decision that I saw as an opportunity to become like my mother and the women in the family. I thought I was growing up; little did I know I was turning my life to hell. Yes, this is how I feel every morning when I have to wear it to keep going with my life. It is literally a burden on top of my head. My issue with the hijab isn’t just with the looks, I’ve been an atheist for 2 years now and the hijab just doesn’t represent who I am. People see me and judge me for something I’m unwillingly wearing, something that directly contradicts who I am and how I think. This has also made me feel insecure about my looks. The stress I’m dealing with gave me anger and anxiety episodes. I developed a depressive mood. I can’t stop thinking about it, and how my life would be totally different if I just take that piece of fabric off of me, how relieved I would be then. Although it’s been more than a year since I first discussed the topic with my parents, but I feel I’m moving forward, I have accomplished so much over this year and I will not go back on my decision and my freedom of choice for the sake of anyone no matter how much it will cost me”. Update: Nothing much changed since I last shared my story. I am still forced to wear it. I stopped arguing with my parents about a year ago because it was seriously affecting my physical and mental health (depressive episodes, meltdown, serious weight loss, panic attacks, sudden fainting caused by anger, …), in addition to affecting my academic performance in college. After the arguments stopped, my relationship with my parents was so much better (obviously), however I still mention the subject from time to time. It is still hard looking in the mirror every time I’m going out and seeing someone I don’t want to be. But I try my best to keep a healthy mental state since there isn’t much I can do as long as I am dependent on my parents. A close family member (my mother’s side) who is around my age removed the veil a year ago, and to my surprise my mother was a supporter of this! But when I mentioned the topic it was hell let loose. Everyone in the family was okay with what my cousin did, and they supported her. It was a bit disappointing and relieving to be honest. At least I now know that I won’t be shamed by my big family. My problem is still with my parents. After lots of thinking, I ended up deciding to wait until I graduate from college and have my own job. Also, I’m planning on continuing my education abroad as soon as I graduate (which is next year, my major is 5 years). I guess only then I would be able to be free from the veil and live the life I truly want.

Case 34: James (alias)

TITLE	Forced to Practice Religion and Physical/Verbal Violence
SEX	Male
AGE	24
EX-RELIGION	Mixed Muslim (Sunni/Shia)
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2013 till present
AGE THEN	17
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Beating, Threat/psychological abuse, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	My parents are religious Muslims, and my dad used to force me to pray and fast. He would wake me up for the morning prayers and drag me with him for the Friday prayer at the mosque. It took me several long fights to make him stop forcing me to pray. At the age of 18 I finally came out to them about my atheism. Their immediate reaction was violent. My dad emotionally shunned me, and he would use violence on certain occasions. He would bother me all the time and insist that I give him evidence for every detail in religion proving that it is not logical or true. He got me religious books and tried to lecture me on several occasions. He even wanted to kick me out of the house. They took me to see several sheikhs, and one of them told me I am a demon. I had to cut ties with one of my aunts for she kept on making problems with me because of my atheism, and she incited my dad against me on several occasions. Until now I have to fake fasting the month of Ramadan at home, and I eat secretly when I am in a different area than the one I live in.

Case 35: Linda (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling
SEX	Female
AGE	20
EX-RELIGION	Shia Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2009 till present
AGE THEN	Starting age of 9
LOCATION	Bekaa (Zahle)
CATEGORIES	Hate speech, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	When I was little, I attended an Islamic school, so the idea that at a certain age I am going to start wearing the veil was always present, and at the time I did not mind it. I was 9 years old when I started to wear it voluntarily and I was so happy about it. Looking back now I feel like it was my way of seeking validation from the society. A couple of years later, as I grew into a young teenager, I started to hate it, and I wanted to take it off. At the time, my religious older sister would throw out the clothes that I like because they are either too short or too tight, and she would only let me wear loose and very long clothes. I hated myself then because I could not feel good in any of those outfits. I began to feel more and more like an outcast, when I started to go to university. I live in Zahle which is a Christian dominated area, I got weird looks from people, and I also could not get a job because of the veil. I felt the discrimination everywhere and weighed on me heavily because deep inside I did not like the veil either. I then took my final decision; I want to take this piece of fabric off. I casually mentioned it in front of my parents, my dad agreed right away, and said that there is no point in wearing it if I don’t like it, but my mother was very angry. She was thinking of what people might say and how will they judge us. She incited some of my siblings against me, and they made me go through hell for 4 days, they were yelling at me, and insulting me. But since I had my father’s approval, I went ahead and did it. Some of my siblings do not talk to me to this day, including my religious sister and my brother, but I have never been happier.

Case 36: Abbas (alias)

TITLE	Discrimination at School and Workplace
SEX	Male
AGE	32
EX-RELIGION	-
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2003 – 2016
AGE THEN	Starting age of 15
LOCATION	Southern Suburb of Beirut
CATEGORIES	Physical abuse, Threat/psychological abuse, Threat of violence, Death threat, Hate speech, Discrimination in employment or trade, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I am 32 years old male, living in Haret Hreik. The incidents I remember are: - At my religious high school in 2003: I was just starting to question things about god and religion, and I got opposed socially, and got kind of excluded and abandoned for asking the wrong questions and questioning what’s not to be questioned. They majority considered me as "wrong". - At another high school in year 2004-2005: I discussed ideas in philosophy class about god and religion from an atheist point of view, I got opposed in opinion harshly, and even got death threats by a Muslim Shiite fanatic, but it went no further than words. At the same school in the same year I got attacked physically by another fanatic for I was not fasting during Ramadan. - In many workplaces in the domain of hospitality between years 2004 and 2016: got the feeling of banishment, and being discriminated against many times, because I did not belong to a sect. I was supposed to belong to a denomination in a way or another, for them to treat me accordingly, but I belonged to none, which was kind of incomprehensible.

Case 37: Emma (alias)

TITLE	Forced Veiling and Verbal/ Emotional Violence
SEX	Female
AGE	27
EX-RELIGION	Sunni Muslim
INCIDENT
DATE / TIME	2007 – 2018
AGE THEN	14
LOCATION	Beirut
CATEGORIES	Discrimination in employment or trade, Restrictions on expression or language, Restrictions on religious or cultural practices

DESCRIPTION	I had to wear the veil at the age of 14. My parents made me wear it. My mom used to constantly nag me to make me wear the veil back then. She would say I won’t have a daughter in my house who does not wear the veil. If you do not wear it, then you will go astray and become a “bad” woman. My family was never like this. They only started adhering to religion after the civil war happened in Lebanon in the past, like many other Lebanese people did as a way to assert their identity. My mom’s experience in the civil war made her like this, and it made her hate anyone who is not a Muslim Sunni. My brother got married to a very religious woman from the north. She incited my mom against me as a kid and always criticized how my clothes are not Islamic enough. She also had a hand in changing my mom and brainwashing her. That is how my mom ended up scaring me all the time with stories about woman who refused to wear the veil, and how I will be tortured in hell if I do not wear it. Hence, I used to take it off secretly when I am not at home. When I used to get harassed in the street, my mom would blame me instead of the harasser, claiming I am the one who is attracting them because my clothes are not Islamic enough. I became an agnostic at the age of 21, and then an atheist at the age of 24. I wanted to take off my veil at that time. I hated how I was treated differently by other people just because I was wearing the veil. I used to be judged differently, and even the topics people talked about changed when they saw me just because of my veil. Even when I applied to jobs, at some of them I would be rejected just because I wear the veil. At other places I would be rejected because I was not wearing the long Islamic gown. I hated being judged because of a piece of fabric, and a religion I no longer believed in. When I told my mom I want to take off my veil, she of course refused. My sister was understanding since she also wears it against her will. My mom poured insults on me accusing me of becoming a “slut” now because I want to it off. She told me you are not allowed to take it off as long as you live here. My sister also advised me to wait until I leave the country to take it off so that I avoid all the hassle that might happen if I am still here when I take it off. When I finally left the country and got married, I took off my veil. My mom did not take this lightly, and again poured all kinds of insults on me. She told me “my daughter is dead to me now”. It took her a while for her to accept it. She did not allow me to tell my dad immediately. She claimed this news would affect his health. Turns out she was just scaring me and wanting me to feel bad, for when I finally managed to tell him, nothing happened. One of my brothers made a fuss about it and continued criticizing how I dress. My dad died recently, and he said he wants his children to inherit him equally. He did not have time to write his will before he died. Hence, now one of my brothers is trying to take huge parts of my share and that of my sister since in the Islamic laws he can do this. My mom is of course supporting him. If we were living in a secular country, this wouldn’t have happened. That is with respect to my family. As for my workplace, I have another story to tell that happened also before leaving the country. I worked as a French teacher in Al-Iman school for a year. It is a Sunni religious school. I had lot of problems there because of their Islamic rules. Wearing the veil there is obligatory. I passed the exam I had to do, and I got accepted. Then they asked me for some additional papers to make sure I am a Sunni, for they only accept Sunnis there. My worst days were at that school. They had a huge part in making me an atheist later on. They forced me to write “in his name the merciful the compassionate” on the board as a first step after entering the class. I hated that because I am not a religion teacher. The coordinator made lot of fights with me because of religion. I once got into trouble for keeping the word “jambon” in the vocabulary words taught about the French breakfast. She told me this is forbidden, and this is very wrong since I am a Muslim. During the occasion of the birthday of prophet Mohammad, a colleague came to give me sweats and she yelled at me loudly to say, “peace be upon him!” so that she would give me the piece of sweet. This startled and scared me, so I refused. After this, they started to gossip about me behind my back. They even told a student that she will go to hell because her name is “Sabine” instead of not having a religious name. She was only 7 years old and the girl started to cry out of fear. They even discovered that a girl in the class has a Christian mother, so they started to call her the son of the infidel. They told her your mom will burn in hell. They forced me to wear long Islamic clothes and to stick to wearing a white veil. They forbid me from wearing accessories, or even putting on colorless nail polish. They claimed that if I wear them, I will drag the students to hell because of me for they will start wanting to dress like me. They did not even allow me to put colorless lip gloss in the winter, for this is forbidden in Islam. I held on there for 8 months only, and I even was absent for lot of days on purpose just to stay away from them. I was not even allowed to go and talk to the headmaster because he is a man and I am a woman. When I once entered his office alone to discuss a work-related matter with him, he refrained from facing me and kept his face turned to a different side. When I asked him to look at me when I talk to him, he said this is “haram”. I closed the door so that passing by students cannot hear us talking, he refused immediately saying that this is “haram” since we are alone in the office. One of my colleagues is one of his cousins, so she is kind of allowed to sit with him and be our messenger between us and him. A kid was once crying at school because his father beat his mother, but the religion teacher told him this is totally fine since the Quran says men are allowed to hit women. One of my colleagues once was complaining to her coworkers that her husband married a second wife, but they told her she should not complain and totally accept it since Islam allows it. They even once refused to let in inside the school a mother of a student because her clothes were not Islamic enough. I was also reprimanded once for using a song as a part of a listening lesson. The coordinator came rushing in and told me this is not acceptable because singing is forbidden in Islam, and that what I was doing is even more horrible because it was Friday. I was once speaking in a loud voice, and I got reprimanded for this because there was a technician fixing something in the same floor and he heard my voice. The principal told me this is not acceptable because a woman’s voice in Islam is a “awrah”, meaning it is associated with the sexual organs and can stimulate men. I was even once reprimanded by everyone, both by the administration and the parents, for just making a boy sit next to a girl in the same table in the class. Another time I was reprimanded for allowing a male student to hold my books for me after he asked, for our hands may accidentally touch or that there might be something personal in them, and this is forbidden in Islam. They even once consoled a student because her mom has given birth for the fourth time to a girl instead of a boy. When I did an exam, the principal would come first and waste some time in making the students pray with her. She would make them raise their hands with her and pray a lot, including prayers about the victory of Islam. I felt so happy when the school year ended, and I finally left the school. The atmosphere there affected me a lot and helped in making me an atheist later on.